The Top 5 Grossest Dairy Queen Cake Decorations

My Anus is Bleeding Dairy Queen CakeFor Emily’s birthday, I’d ordered a cake containing an image from one of one of Don Hertzfeldt’s rejected commercials (for more information on the meme, click here). When I called to order it from Dairy Queen, my conversation went something like this:

“About how racy would something be for you guys not to be able to do it?”
“Oh, we’ll do anything.”
“I’m wondering if you’re going to regret saying that.”
“… Let me get my manager.”

Luckily, the manager turned out to be even cool. The results, as you can see to the left, are nothing short of amazing. I e-mailed the image and he texted it back to me to confirm. Yes, I want a cake inscribed with the message “My Anus is Bleeding” on it. He asked if there needed to be any other text on it. I replied no. “My Anus Is Bleeding” is enough. At this point I think I was just testing how many time I could say “My Anus is Bleeding”. I then had to ask:

“So, is this the weirdest request for a Dairy Queen cake you’ve ever had?”
“Hmmmm … maybe in the top 5.”
I went silent with excitement, then asked “What are the other 4?”

Here they are:

  1. A penis with a superman cape saying “Time to Fly, Little One”
  2. An asian guy with a small penis saying “Congrats on Losing Your Virginity”
  3. A toilet with steaming poo inside saying “What Makes You Think Your Shit Doesn’t Stink?”
  4. A big fat cock, simply saying “Eat Me”

Dairy Queen, consider me a satisfied customer.

If you guys don’t know Emily, she is the genius responsible for Tyler’s Adventure’s. If you haven’t seen it, check it out. If you have, check it again because as you’ll remember, it’s hilarious.

Also, send her a Happy Birthday on Facebook if you feel so compelled. She needs it. She’s old balls.

Happy Birthday, Emily!

12,486 replies on “The Top 5 Grossest Dairy Queen Cake Decorations”

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