Why You Aren’t Actually a Hopeless Romantic
July 30, 2014
Are you incorrectly identifying yourself as a hopeless romantic?
I was talking to a friend who identified herself as a hopeless romantic. This immediately rang false to me because she is very positive, and takes responsibility for her life. Hopeless romanticism has always struck me with a negative vibe. Subscribing to a belief without actually believing in it. Like someone who takes vitamins everyday but doesn’t actually believe they do anything. Going through the motions and cynically subscribing to something because it is either easier or fashionable. It makes you into a kind of martyr, which is a way to self identify, but not a healthy one.
There is a dichotomy here though. Being IDENTIFIED as a hopeless romantic is very different than self identifying as a hopeless romantic in the same way identifying yourself as modest is in itself sort of a paradox. A hopeless romantic by definition is someone who believes in an ideal of romance that does not exist (is hopeless). However if you identify yourself as a hopeless romantic, you are saying that the form of romance you believe in doesn’t exist. This either makes you a cynic, or insane.
So which are you? Is your ideal of romance truly lost? Or just evolving? I think we use the phrase “I’m a hopeless romantic” as a defense mechanism. They are optimists masquerading as pessimists so that their lofty ideas go unchallenged. It’s a challenge to fate to “prove us wrong”. Here is my ideal! Is it totally insane? Cause I’m not letting go of it! Prove to me that I’m not a hopeless romantic! Maybe we’re so tired of hoping for something ideal that in challenging it ourselves we hope that someone outside us will challenge it, or better yet, make it come true.
So romantics, don’t give up on that hope for something that you’ve always wanted for yourself, and stop chastising your own standards of romance as hopeless. If you keep calling it “hopeless” for too long, you might just do the worst thing and convince the last person that believes in that flavor of romance that it is impossible. Yourself.
Hope isn’t based on logic. That’s why it’s called “hope”.